A Change in Life...

You never know what life is going to bring you. I have always thought that life is predictable. For one person, she can and is usually right. As for me, I can't.

Over the summer, I started having problems with Center Stage Players. This drama continued through the end of the summer and into fall. Because of that, my job, and personal problems, I decided to leave Center Stage Players. It was one of the hardest decisions that I had made. There were days that all I did was wonder what I did, why it happened, and if I was going to go back. There was 1 person who I fought with more than anything- Alan. He was one of my best friends, and this hurt to no extent.

Even though it hurt, I felt it was right. It was time to let go. I'm sometimes not able to do that, but this time I felt it necessary to. I now had unknown amounts of free time! I was uber excited. A little Backstory... a little over a year ago (well, probably around July 2006), I started talking to someone online. We had made plans for the next year to meet, but never did. I was always busy with CSP. The one thing I was looking for was a friendship. Over the summer, I started talking to him again. He told me he was coming home September 26. I had new found freedom. So, I told him to contact me and we will make plans. This time, they actually came through and I met him in person. His name was Matt. Now back to the story...On the day CSP's the ExperiencE was to open, I had found a freedom that I didn't know what to do. So, I met Matt at Lennox and decided to go to Dinner and a Movie. Nothing was playing, so we decided to eat. One thing I found that we did not lack was communication. We always had a topic of conversation. Even now, we still do. When we left each other, I was thinking I have a new friend. I wasn't looking for anything. I finally got my life back, and I was actually experiencing happiness! Over the next few weeks, we hung out 3-5 times per week. Everyone thought we were dating. We told them we are only friends. No one believed. Last weekend, we had an unusual weekend, and i'm thankful for that...
Friday, I picked him up at his house to go to a movie, and then meet Ashley our for a drink after The Rocky Horror Show. Our old roommate was bartending for the first time, so we went to Axis. 3.5 hours, many shots later, we left. Drunk and crazy, Matt spent the night. No sex or anything happened. Friends don't have sex. The next morning, we parted company for 4 hours- I had a baby shower to go to. That evening, we went to Circleville for the Pumpkin Show and then to Mansfield to the Haunted Prison. It was late, and we stayed at his house (same thing from the night before- look above). Sunday, we went Christmas shopping and then to Showtunes with Ashley. Something happened that night that made me question anything about friends. We talked, and he agreed.
Over the course of the next few days, we talked about it more, and got more attached. I don't know when, but somewhere during the process of being friends, I had started to like him, and he me. Now, we are dating. Some said we moved too fast- others think too slow. Most gay people have already had sex, made out, fought, and sometimes broke up in the time it took us to realize what has happening.

Friday night- BoMA. I hadn't seen or talked to Alan in weeks. I knew he was there because of his vehicle. I didn't want to see him. However, after coaxing, I decided to go in anyways. Within 5 minutes, I found him. Instead of hiding, I decided to confront him. It wasn't anything like I thought. We were civil, and what ever happened seemed to melt away. Through the night, the storm clouds that surrounded the negative vibes around the show and troupe for me seemed to clear out and expose a starry night. The one thing that was troubling me was over. I had decided to confront it and now i'm much happier. I feel that I don't have to hide anymore. I have my friends back, a new friend, and my life is starting to fall into place. Who knows what life is going to bring. I might be brought back down to reality. But for now, its peaceful.

What life may bring

Recently, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this very thing. So many of my friends are starting to, or have already been doing things they want to do for their lives, or are just having fun. In turn, I have decided to start doing that. For quite a long time, I have thought about other people, and how I can help them. As of the end of September, it was time for a change.

For the past few weeks, I have been doing what I want, with who I want, and have had an amazing time. I have finally caught up with old friends that I haven't seen in over a year, met a new one I have been meaning to see since July 2006.

So, lets talk. There is someone I met online over a year ago. For the past year, in between tours (shows) in other countries, we have been meaning to meet in person. However, because of 1 thing or another, I have been busy- Secret Garden, Sleepy Hollow, the ExperiencE. Because of my new found free time, we finally got to meet up a couple weeks ago. He is actually a great person. He is turning into a wonderful friend. Its been a long time since i've had another male that I had this much in common with. I have Ashley and several of my girl other friends, but I now have another to add to the list. Funny thing- most people make fun of me because of the ridiculous christmas shows I like- found out, he knows them too.

Let talk Tittys. She is one of my best friends. I honestly don't know if I could picture my life without her. She has been a huge influence in my life, and I'm happy that she is in it. At times she annoys me, and I annoy her, but we get along. There is a word that can be used to describe her, and it can be found in the movie "Serendipity", one of my favorite movies.

Sometimes, I find myself listening to certain songs (like right now) and think of my mother heavily and I start crying a little. Its been a while since I have. Its been almost 4.5 years since her death, and at times its still hard to handle. Actually, its been just over 4.5 years. I don't know how next year on the 5th year will be- i'm probably going to take a couple days off around that time. I know some people think "get over it", but its hard to. I was just starting to come into my own and define my life as an adult when she was taken. There isn't a day I don't think about her. I can't imagine Dad or Matthew what they may go through at times.
The lesson here- love and live life to the fullest, and don't be petty. Its too short. If you don't like how your life is going, change it. Only you can. Dance as if no one was watching. I know i've started to, and i'm starting to love life again!

It is Wednesday...

So, I have made it to the half way point of the week...

Over the past couple weeks, I have finally begun to see what my life is going to be like without the theatre group. As much as I miss some of the people, I'm finally having a life of my own. For the first time in years, I am the one looking for things to do, or not doing anything. I have been enjoying it wonderfully.

One thing that I have gotten to do is focus on school- I finally am getting good grades because I have the time to focus on them!

There is more, but i'll tell later, as I get more information!

Ahhh.....its wonderful having my life back!